I have a client who wants to quit her job as a classroom teacher in order to pursue her forever dream of opening up a villa vacation hub in Hawaii and host people from all over the world. She’s had this dream since she was 7 years old when she used to visit Hawaii with her family.
It all sounds so dreamy in her head (and probably in all of our heads) but when it comes to actually making the move and taking all the steps it would take, she’s not sure if quitting her job is the best idea. Especially because she really enjoys teaching, loves her students and feels pretty comfortable there.
This is what I asked her:
Which one are you most afraid to quit?
Your school teacher job with a paycheck, regular routine and benefits? Or quitting on making this little Hawaiian villa an actual reality?
I asked this from a completely neutral place, really allowing my client to take her own journey to find out how both of these options felt to her.
What we don’t always realize is that sometimes when we choose not to quit on something, we are quitting on something else, and it’s important to feel out which one would hurt more to walk away from.
This is what I find so fascinating about the notion of quitting: For the most part, quitting has a pretty bad connotation. If you are someone who quits, you are considered a loser, lazy and someone who will never make it.
We’ve all grown up with some degree of: “Winners never quit, and quitters never win.”
But, when I headed to google to look up the meaning of the word quit, it reminded me that it originally comes from Latin (which by the way, had me jumping up and down for a moment because I took Latin in high school and it all came rushing back to me) and means “to release; discharge; let go.” Well, that gives it a whole new spin to the meaning of quitting, does it not? To release yourself from something that isn’t working is actually the opposite of being a loser or lazy and really shows that you are someone who knows how to take care of yourself.
Somewhere down the line, the modern world took a very healthy concept and turned it into something that we now use against ourselves.
The first time I remember ever quitting something was when I quit my cushy, hooked-up teen program director gig at the 92nd St Y in NYC. I know I’ve mentioned this job to you before because it was such a good one.
When people first heard that I gave up that job they were very very confused. Most people close to me knew what that job meant to me. I felt an immense amount of pride running a life-changing, eye-opening, mind-blowing program for teens. We went on the most beautiful road trip all over the country taking part in all kinds of incredible volunteer projects, from Habitat for Humanity to running a free camp for poor inner-city children.
But it also started to get complicated when I started to have my babies and had to figure out where a 6 month-old could nap while we were planting gardens at homeless shelters or helping build eco-homes in Taos, NM.
The reason why this was so baffling for so many is that for most people they think you can only leave something you hate.
Why would I leave a career I actually loved?
Listen up now because this is important: That, my Love, IS one of biggest reasons why so many people are unhappy.
#1. Because they believe you have to be really unhappy in order to walk away from something.
#2. Because they’re afraid to leave something good, in order to have something great.
#3. Because while they are focusing on what they’re letting go of, they can’t possibly see what they will gain.
I will share with you some of my very unconventional coaching I have given to my clients when they have wanted to quit or leave something or someone and it will probably surprise you because it is the exact opposite of what most of us are taught.
I tell them that they must go deep inside and find a place where they are at real peace before they quit. Yes, they must get happy before they leave something.
(Disclaimer: This obviously does not apply if, Gd forbid, they are in an emotionally or physically abusive job or relationship. In that case, run like hell!)
Happy does not mean “This awful boss of mine is now the best boss I’ve ever had!! Now let me do somersaults.” Ha! Not at all. Happiness is when you truly feel complete with whatever you are leaving.
You feel like it’s served its purpose and you have no ill feelings and you are simply ready to release and move forward.
That is happiness. That is peace.
The reason why I’m so adamant about this for my clients is because the assumption is that when you quit from a very unhappy place, the next place you’re going is gonna be so much better. This is simply not true. Most people will try to switch their outer world before they change their inner belief system but this will never work. And misery, if not cleaned up properly, will follow you to the next stop.
So let’s wrap this up. I want you to be able to really understand when quitting is a sweet release sending you off to a bountiful faraway land or when quitting is the #1 excuse holding you back from everything you love.
Think about one place in your life where you are contemplating quitting.
A career
A chore
A friendship
A habit
A relationship
A location
Once you have that specific thing in mind ask:
Do I want to be free of this thing because it’s hard for me or because it feels wrong for me? That answer will point you in the right direction.
Loving you,
t
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